I am sorry.

I woke up last friday in the worst pain I have ever had.
I wrote some stupid entry into this blog.
I am sorry about that.
I was in so much pain, I was not thinking clearly.
I hate this instant push button publishing sometimes.
I am so fucking proud of you,
I always knew u were great
and when he told you that
you needed me,
I knew that you could be great,
even without me.
I love you so much,
I am still living with your ghosts.
I write in order to ease the pain.
I am looking for an answer,
one I have not heard before.
I am looking for a way out,
of the pain I caused myself.
One that does not have to do
with leaving this life too soon.
I am looking for the love
I have known for eternity.
I am looking for you.
I am sorry if I caused you pain,
I sometimes cannot look in the mirror and
not feel ashamed.
I love you so much.
A lot of these poems suck.
I wish I could go back in time
and fix my mistakes with you,
but for now writing in this blog,
is going to have to do.
I am sorry.