This post is meant to be an explanation of some of my previous blogs. Although Have Heart came up with the album title "the things we carry", I have always had the wisdom to see the things that I have carried in this life and the ones before it. There are some things that I have gotten off my chest through emails or blogs that have made the things I carry a little bit lighter. I would rather get things off my chest and let them go for good in the form of a public blog or private email then take them out on someone I love in the future. But there are a few things that even though I talk about them, will not just go away. Sometimes you need other people to fix the things that happened or the things they did if even if it is in the form of an apology or in the form of understanding or even in the form of a tearful hug, things from the past can be washed away with three simple words- I Love You.
My previous blog is an example of me getting things off my chest. I did not want to carry around those thoughts on the marriage of my sweet love anymore. I definitely feel better about it, but the pain of the loss of the person that was more than my best friend, more than my creative partner and more than the person I was in love with still hurts everyday. It has been 15 years and I still cannot let go of a love that is never ending, a love that was not able to spread its wings and fly, a love that was suppressed because of the homophobic nature of our parents. This is the reason for me getting her name tattooed on my arm. When it was being done it felt so good. I had always wanted to do it and now it is finally done. I am constantly getting compliments on it even though it is just a name but the letters are special and it really, really looks fucking cool. It also healed up good.
This band Ruiner has a shirt that says-Bottom Line Ruiner Fuck you. Well to end this blog I am going to steal that line but tweak it.
thanks for reading.