Saturday, January 16, 2010

All I know is this....

All I know is that I love you.
All I know is that we go deep.
All i know is that I cant live without you,
one way or another,
I cant live without you.
I carry you just as much as you carry me,
I made a mistake and lost my mind,
I really dont know what happened to me in NYC and CT
but it wasnt good and I lost all my power, strength and will.
I was swallowed up by my PTSD and almost took my life.
I was tsick of this body,
sick of being without you,
sick of waiting for the future,
sick of not being able to travel freely all over this planet,
sick of not being your angel.
sick of this body.

I didnt mean for this to happen and I really dont remember at all what really happened. I had a breakdown all because yes i have serious issues with my parents and CT and they are deep. I can never go there again. The only thing on the east coast that I care about is you. It's hard hearing your voice in my head. Do you think you're the only voice that talks to me? Unfortunately your not and I get fucked with all the time by angels and demons. Your the only one I wanted to telepathically communicate to but I am so powerful and my channel is so open that I can talk to just about any soul I want to in spirit, but this leaves me open for beings that are not working for the light to fuck with me. Believe me I may have PTSD but I am not crazy. My life is the x-files times 100,000.

I am sorry about what I did, I had little to no control over what was happening. It scared the shit out of me because nothing like this ever happened to me before. I always have control but something happened to me on the east coast at my parents house. I completely had a PTSD blackout. I should not be alive right now. I now know that I can never over-dose, divine mother, god and my angels will not let me. As a matter of fact I cant die until they are ready to take me. I am so important and I am needed on this planet so bad that many, many, many times has my life been saved, esp this last time. I should be dead.

I am glad I am not dead because I didnt want to die, I have no idea why this happened. One thing is for sure I am still alive because of you. You need me on the planet also. One way or another you need me here too. I know this is a fact because it was the first thing that I was told by the avatar/angel that saved my life was that he saved me because of you. It's deep. He also saved me for the planet and myself but honestly I know the truth and it doesnt matter that much whether we have a body or not. All my heroes are dead, except for you. All my soul mates are gone, not on the planet right now. You are it. You are the only one left so I am utterly alone.

If you want to communicate with me, be positive, tell me you love me, dont be mean because I couldnt really handle it right now. I go crazy without you having the courage to be honest with me. its all I need is for you to tell me with your body how you feel. I hate to say this but I know you love me, dont lie, it doesnt matter that you have some joyless love affair happening. All that matters is the truth. PLEASE tell me because your hurting me and I dont deserve it.

I need my purple heart.

"Wars May Come and Wars May Go But Art Is Forever."

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