Thursday, June 19, 2008

15 years later----my Horoscope still rings true---

15 years later----my Horoscope still rings true---
Current mood: forgotten
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

I am a Leo, which means I am fiercely passionate, artistic, loyal and filled with perseverance. My horoscope for today (and everyday) usually rings true to my personality and my life. Today's just blew me away. See I have been in love with the same person for 15 years. I have gone to counseling for about that long and have done a series of stupid things in an attempt to get over it. Some of them were not so stupid, but some things I regret dearly. For example throwing the ring this person gave me over a cliff. Sure it made me feel good for a second but still after 13 years I want to go back and find it. Ripping up pictures and destroying the painting I did of this person helped me just in that moment and has been a source of pain ever since. It is hard for me to even look at another person in a sexual or loving way. I have been in a relationship since then which lasted 3 years but I will be the first to admit that the reasons I blew it were because I am still in love with Nico.

I have come to the hard fought conclusion that the reason I am still in love with Nico is because of past lives. I don't care what anyone thinks about reincarnation, all I know is that it helps me make sense of things that are beyond understanding, especially since both of us see and feel them. I have to admit that Nico turned me on to past life regression even more than I was all ready into it and this was in 1993.

My Horoscope for today just helped reinforce the way I am feeling. So without further adieu, here it is:

Tuesday, Jun 17th, 2008 -- No matter how optimistic you may appear, it's hard for you to let go of unexpressed feelings that linger beneath the surface. Bits of your personal drama arise again and again, like the legendary Phoenix flying out of the fire. Just when you are ready to move on, another reminder dredges up a wave of intense emotions. Don't waste your best moves on fighting against the prevailing currents; navigating with your heart takes a special kind of courage.

It definitely takes a special kind of courage to live the way I live, without love from another person. I know I would be no good to anyone except her. I would rather love myself then get someone else tangled in this web with me again. I have too much I want to do to waste my time on feelings I do not really feel in order to not live a lonely life of self-sex and masturbation. It is just not worth it to me. I would rather just accept the fact that I am still in love with her and live day by day with that love, even though it is 3000 miles away.

She is the only woman I have feelings for. I honestly believe that I would be totally straight if it was not for my feelings towards her. Other than that I am completely attracted to men, although everyone thinks I am gay and I am constantly sexually harassed by lesbians. But since I want to marry her and live the rest of my life with her, maybe I am gay. But I am telling everyone straight out that she is the only girl I feel this way towards. Other women do not turn me on. I do not feel comfortable in the lesbian scene. Once again I believe it is because of past lives. It has to be. I have written and am writing whole books on some of our lives together. A spiritual master once told me that her and I have been together since we both came to the planet together some 16,000 lives ago. Everyone has a soul twin and she is mine. But I made a lot of mistakes due to my in experience with this kind of intense love at 21. At 21 you don't know shit even though you think you know it all. Life is precious, life is intense and if you don't know how to live it, life can be one pain after the next.

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