PLEASE WATCH THIS MOVIE!!
If you want to know the truth about all of the wars in the past 300 years, then watch this.
"Wars May Come and Wars May Go But Art Is Forever."
Monday, August 31, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Earthlasthope vs David Icke (Icke Wins Hands-Down!)
Truther Cult leader gets called out by me for dissing David Icke. video was edited by You Tube user Disclosure!
Monday, August 24, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Thought for the day, August 24th 2009
We become what we contemplate. By constant thought an ideal gets imprinted on our heart. When we fix our thoughts all the time on the evil that others do, our mind gets polluted by the evil. When, on the contrary, we fix our mind on the virtues or well-being of others, our mind is cleansed of wrong and entertains only good thoughts. No evil thought can penetrate the mind of a person wholly given to love and compassion. The thoughts we indulge in shape our nature; along with others, they affect us too.
-SATHYA SAI BABA-Thought for the day, August 24th 2009
"Wars May Come and Wars May Go But Art Is Forever."
-SATHYA SAI BABA-Thought for the day, August 24th 2009
"Wars May Come and Wars May Go But Art Is Forever."
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Eating Healthy is Mentally ill says NWO Fascists.
Video I posted at my You Tube Channel.
Subscribe to my videos at:
www.youtube.com/user/kimpunkrock
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
Alex Jones Tv {Sunday Edition} 1/6:Swine Flu Vaccine Side-Effects!!
Please watch this video and the rest while your at it.
http://www.youtube.com/user/TheAlexJonesChannel
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Saturday, August 8, 2009
The Second American Revolution and the Second Civil War.
Most people that I know have no idea that this country is leading head long into a second revolution and a second civil war. There are many reasons for this. Many of them are in this blog within the many articles and videos I posted. This war is not going to be pretty. I hope we can take our country back by non-violent means, but I am afraid that eventually the tree of liberty will have to be watered with more blood of patriots and tyrants.
I implore you all to get informed about what is really happening in this country. Go through this blog, read some the articles, watch the videos and get informed as much as you can. There is a ton of information available online.
Most people here in America dont care about what happens to our future. They seem to not care that they are losing their freedoms that our forefathers fought for. Money, work, alcohol, TV, the media, gossip, fashion, sex and other empty hollow distractions are all that people seem to care about. They dont care about what happens to the planet and the future generations. Most people are straight up COWARDS when it comes to the truth and they are straight up selfish. Don't be one of those people.
Wake up before it is too late.
Listen to the Alex Jones show everyday. Even if you dont agree with 100 percent of what he says, even I only agree with 98 percent of what he is saying, the information he is presenting is so important. It is time that we started to grow up and look past our petty differences. If we dont start to do this, we will never be united, we will never have world peace and we will destroy each other and our planet.
If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem.
Go here to read real articles based on the truth, not the lies the gov't wants you to hear.
http://www.infowars.com
"Wars May Come and Wars May Go But Art Is Forever."
I implore you all to get informed about what is really happening in this country. Go through this blog, read some the articles, watch the videos and get informed as much as you can. There is a ton of information available online.
Most people here in America dont care about what happens to our future. They seem to not care that they are losing their freedoms that our forefathers fought for. Money, work, alcohol, TV, the media, gossip, fashion, sex and other empty hollow distractions are all that people seem to care about. They dont care about what happens to the planet and the future generations. Most people are straight up COWARDS when it comes to the truth and they are straight up selfish. Don't be one of those people.
Wake up before it is too late.
Listen to the Alex Jones show everyday. Even if you dont agree with 100 percent of what he says, even I only agree with 98 percent of what he is saying, the information he is presenting is so important. It is time that we started to grow up and look past our petty differences. If we dont start to do this, we will never be united, we will never have world peace and we will destroy each other and our planet.
If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem.
Go here to read real articles based on the truth, not the lies the gov't wants you to hear.
http://www.infowars.com
"Wars May Come and Wars May Go But Art Is Forever."
Thursday, August 6, 2009
The mystery of an August Lunar Eclipse.
My birthday is August 9th. I am a super Leo with my moon and my mars also in Leo. Below is an explanation of the powerful forces of a Lunar Eclipse in August. We just had one on Aug. 5th and Aug 6th.
Lunar eclipses are like super powerful Full Moons. The Sun, Moon and Earth all align on the same plane, and for a few hours, the Earth blocks the light of the Sun from reaching the Moon. The Earth cuts off solar consciousness from the reflective power of lunar unconscious. There is a pause, a held-breath, when we get to see what's there in our lives without indulging in our usual emotional complexes. Lunar eclipses clear things out of our lives, especially issues from the past. But if we let go of something, we need something to replace it. We need a new story.
Normally, eclipses come in pairs - a solar eclipse and a lunar eclipse. But this year, amidst all the other strong planetary influences, we have an unusual three eclipses in a row. This full Moon is a partial lunar eclipse, and it occurs on August 5th in the Americas and August 6th in most of the rest of the world. The end of the eclipse will be visible in the Eastern US.
This second lunar eclipse within a month opens the door to release any left-over illusions we still harbor that life will go on as usual. Lunar eclipses energize us to shed old habits and let go of the past so that the doorways to the future can open. In the signs of Leo (the Sun) and Aquarius (the Moon) we are asked to shed our Leo pride and drama, our arrogant belief that we are the center of the universe, and turn our attention to the needs of the whole, to the group.
Aquarius and Leo describe the astrological axis that symbolizes how individuals create and contribute to the group. Leo rules our physical children as well as our creative children. It is also the archetypal energy that can lead us to individuation. It is all about our unique creativity. Aquarius is all about ideals and the importance of the group mind.
When Leo and Aquarius work together, they create groups that value individual creativity and initiative, and that honor high ideals and the good of all people. With Neptune, Jupiter and Chiron all retrograding in Aquarius along with the North Node of Destiny, we are being asked to integrate new visions and possibilities for the future into our individual creative vision as well as our public lives.
"Wars May Come and Wars May Go But Art Is Forever."
Lunar eclipses are like super powerful Full Moons. The Sun, Moon and Earth all align on the same plane, and for a few hours, the Earth blocks the light of the Sun from reaching the Moon. The Earth cuts off solar consciousness from the reflective power of lunar unconscious. There is a pause, a held-breath, when we get to see what's there in our lives without indulging in our usual emotional complexes. Lunar eclipses clear things out of our lives, especially issues from the past. But if we let go of something, we need something to replace it. We need a new story.
Normally, eclipses come in pairs - a solar eclipse and a lunar eclipse. But this year, amidst all the other strong planetary influences, we have an unusual three eclipses in a row. This full Moon is a partial lunar eclipse, and it occurs on August 5th in the Americas and August 6th in most of the rest of the world. The end of the eclipse will be visible in the Eastern US.
This second lunar eclipse within a month opens the door to release any left-over illusions we still harbor that life will go on as usual. Lunar eclipses energize us to shed old habits and let go of the past so that the doorways to the future can open. In the signs of Leo (the Sun) and Aquarius (the Moon) we are asked to shed our Leo pride and drama, our arrogant belief that we are the center of the universe, and turn our attention to the needs of the whole, to the group.
Aquarius and Leo describe the astrological axis that symbolizes how individuals create and contribute to the group. Leo rules our physical children as well as our creative children. It is also the archetypal energy that can lead us to individuation. It is all about our unique creativity. Aquarius is all about ideals and the importance of the group mind.
When Leo and Aquarius work together, they create groups that value individual creativity and initiative, and that honor high ideals and the good of all people. With Neptune, Jupiter and Chiron all retrograding in Aquarius along with the North Node of Destiny, we are being asked to integrate new visions and possibilities for the future into our individual creative vision as well as our public lives.
"Wars May Come and Wars May Go But Art Is Forever."
Are the Police in India Carrying Out Contract Killings?
Within this article from The Times of London it is implicated that police in India may be carrying out contract killings under the guise of police work. According to the article, certain members of the police in India are killing unarmed suspects and lying about what happened in order to forgo trials and paperwork. Most of these episodes were hard to prove because there was no hard proof of what had happened. Well finally an info warrior in India took a series of pictures that shows what happened to the latest person gunned down by cops in the northeastern state of Manipur.
Five of the pictures were published by The Times of London on their website. Below are the pictures and the article. One of the pictures is kind of graphic though not as bad as you would think. I have seen PG-13 movies with worse gore than the last of the five pictures.
This episode in India gets me to thinking about whether or not some of the police in this country might be carrying out contract killings or contract life ruining arrests, where even if the person is completely innocent their life is still ruined. The NWO uses this tactic all the time to bring down the people that are outing their agenda's. So many courageous whistle blowers have been murdered for bringing us the truth in America. It is really disheartening that people do not take their messages seriously. Obviously if they were not telling the truth, they would have not been killed. People in this country really need to wake up about the New World Order, the Alien/UFO Agenda's and the truth about our spirit souls. The people that control us know these truths and they keep them from you to keep you unhappy and in the darkness. The more unhappy we are the more they can control us and the less successful we will be, which means more money for them.
Articles like the one below should be a wake up call for people around the world. If you still think that all is well in our world, please stop being delusional, things are far from being good for any of us.
Pictures show broad-daylight 'killing' of suspect by Indian police in market
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/asia/article6741332.ece?token=null&offset=0&page=1
click on picture to see them in full size.
Chongkham Sanjit, 27, is arrested by police commandos in a post office in the capital of Manipur, northeast India. The red arrow shows his short journey from arrest to the place of his daylight killing
Mr Sanjit is apparently going willingly with the commandos who have arrested him. He does not appear armed, as was claimed by the officers after his death
But an officer reaches for his pistol as Mr Sanjit is escorted. They are standing barely 500 metres from the state assembly
Then Mr Sanjit is dragged by the commandos into the pharmacy, where he is apparently killed
Mr Sanjit's dead body is then thrown into a truck. On the left is the body of a pregnant woman caught in the crossfire of an earlier police shootout
by Times Online
Indian police have been photographed apparently carrying out an extra-judicial killing of a hospital attendant in a busy market in the first such exposé of a practice that rights activists say is increasingly rife within the country’s police force.
The police originally said that they shot dead Chongkham Sanjit, 27, when he fired on them as they were chasing him through the market in the northeastern state of Manipur, on the border with Burma, on July 23.
The Manipur Police Commandos said they had recovered a 9mm Mauser pistol from the dead man, whom they accused of being a member of a banned separatist group — one of
But photographs published by the Tehelka investigative magazine clearly show police commandos approaching an unarmed Sanjit, frisking him and bundling him into a pharmacy, as one officer reaches for his pistol.
The officers are then shown dragging out his corpse moments later and loading it on to the back of a truck alongside that of a pregnant woman shot dead in the crossfire of an earlier police shootout.
The apparent killing took place in broad daylight — at about 10.30am — and only 500 metres from the building where the legislative assembly was meeting in Imphal, Manipur’s capital.
Tehelka said the images had been taken by a local photographer, who did not dare publish them in Manipur for fear of recrimination from the local police.
Human rights campaigners said it was the first time they could remember there being such incriminating visual evidence of what in India is known as a “fake encounter killing”.
“Is this the first time there has been such compelling evidence? I’d say yes,” Meenakshi Ganguly of Human Rights Watch told The Times.
Suhas Chakma, Director of the Delhi-based Asian Centre for Human Rights, said: “This is the first case where the actual killing has been caught on camera.” Police in India often kill people in “fake encounters” — staged shootouts with alleged suspects — but it is usually almost impossible to prove because they always claim that the victims were armed.
The practice began in the 1980s as a way to eliminate dangerous suspects whom police said could not be convicted in court because of widespread corruption and witness intimidation.
On Tuesday, Human Rights Watch published a report documenting a range of human rights abuses committed by Indian police, including aribtrary arrests, torture and extra-judicial killings.
“India is modernising rapidly, but the police continue to use their old methods: abuse and threats,” said Brad Adams, Asia director at Human Rights Watch. “It’s time for the Government to stop talking about reform and fix the system.”
The local government in Manipur originally stood by the police, who claimed that Sanjit had pulled out a pistol after they tried to frisk him, and then fired at least four shots, accidentally killing the pregnant woman bystander.
But after several days of violent protests across Manipur, and the publication of the photographs, the Government has now suspended the six police officers involved and ordered a judicial inquiry.
Okram Ibobi Singh, Manipur’s Chief Minister, said he had been misled by his own police chief.
“I admit I said Sanjit was an active member of the separatist People’s Liberation Army (PLA), because that is what the police chief told me,” he told a news conference.
“Now I know he had surrendered and apparently was not involved in the activities of his former organization.” Sanjit is reported to have left the PLA on health grounds in 2006, and to have been living with his family and working as an attendant in a private hospital ever since.
“Further action will depend on the outcome of the judicial inquiry,” the Chief Minister said.
However, activists warned that a judicial inquiry could take years, and that members of the security forces accused in several previous cases had yet to be held to account.
Securing convictions in such cases is particularly hard in Manipur because it is covered by the Armed Forces Special Powers Act, which allows security forces to arrest, torture and kill without fear of prosecution.
Mr Chakma of the ACHR said that he had documented 19 encounter killings in Manipur last year alone and more than 50 over the past five years, the highest number for any state in India.
"Wars May Come and Wars May Go But Art Is Forever."
Five of the pictures were published by The Times of London on their website. Below are the pictures and the article. One of the pictures is kind of graphic though not as bad as you would think. I have seen PG-13 movies with worse gore than the last of the five pictures.
This episode in India gets me to thinking about whether or not some of the police in this country might be carrying out contract killings or contract life ruining arrests, where even if the person is completely innocent their life is still ruined. The NWO uses this tactic all the time to bring down the people that are outing their agenda's. So many courageous whistle blowers have been murdered for bringing us the truth in America. It is really disheartening that people do not take their messages seriously. Obviously if they were not telling the truth, they would have not been killed. People in this country really need to wake up about the New World Order, the Alien/UFO Agenda's and the truth about our spirit souls. The people that control us know these truths and they keep them from you to keep you unhappy and in the darkness. The more unhappy we are the more they can control us and the less successful we will be, which means more money for them.
Articles like the one below should be a wake up call for people around the world. If you still think that all is well in our world, please stop being delusional, things are far from being good for any of us.
Pictures show broad-daylight 'killing' of suspect by Indian police in market
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/asia/article6741332.ece?token=null&offset=0&page=1
click on picture to see them in full size.
Chongkham Sanjit, 27, is arrested by police commandos in a post office in the capital of Manipur, northeast India. The red arrow shows his short journey from arrest to the place of his daylight killing
Mr Sanjit is apparently going willingly with the commandos who have arrested him. He does not appear armed, as was claimed by the officers after his death
But an officer reaches for his pistol as Mr Sanjit is escorted. They are standing barely 500 metres from the state assembly
Then Mr Sanjit is dragged by the commandos into the pharmacy, where he is apparently killed
Mr Sanjit's dead body is then thrown into a truck. On the left is the body of a pregnant woman caught in the crossfire of an earlier police shootout
by Times Online
Indian police have been photographed apparently carrying out an extra-judicial killing of a hospital attendant in a busy market in the first such exposé of a practice that rights activists say is increasingly rife within the country’s police force.
The police originally said that they shot dead Chongkham Sanjit, 27, when he fired on them as they were chasing him through the market in the northeastern state of Manipur, on the border with Burma, on July 23.
The Manipur Police Commandos said they had recovered a 9mm Mauser pistol from the dead man, whom they accused of being a member of a banned separatist group — one of
But photographs published by the Tehelka investigative magazine clearly show police commandos approaching an unarmed Sanjit, frisking him and bundling him into a pharmacy, as one officer reaches for his pistol.
The officers are then shown dragging out his corpse moments later and loading it on to the back of a truck alongside that of a pregnant woman shot dead in the crossfire of an earlier police shootout.
The apparent killing took place in broad daylight — at about 10.30am — and only 500 metres from the building where the legislative assembly was meeting in Imphal, Manipur’s capital.
Tehelka said the images had been taken by a local photographer, who did not dare publish them in Manipur for fear of recrimination from the local police.
Human rights campaigners said it was the first time they could remember there being such incriminating visual evidence of what in India is known as a “fake encounter killing”.
“Is this the first time there has been such compelling evidence? I’d say yes,” Meenakshi Ganguly of Human Rights Watch told The Times.
Suhas Chakma, Director of the Delhi-based Asian Centre for Human Rights, said: “This is the first case where the actual killing has been caught on camera.” Police in India often kill people in “fake encounters” — staged shootouts with alleged suspects — but it is usually almost impossible to prove because they always claim that the victims were armed.
The practice began in the 1980s as a way to eliminate dangerous suspects whom police said could not be convicted in court because of widespread corruption and witness intimidation.
On Tuesday, Human Rights Watch published a report documenting a range of human rights abuses committed by Indian police, including aribtrary arrests, torture and extra-judicial killings.
“India is modernising rapidly, but the police continue to use their old methods: abuse and threats,” said Brad Adams, Asia director at Human Rights Watch. “It’s time for the Government to stop talking about reform and fix the system.”
The local government in Manipur originally stood by the police, who claimed that Sanjit had pulled out a pistol after they tried to frisk him, and then fired at least four shots, accidentally killing the pregnant woman bystander.
But after several days of violent protests across Manipur, and the publication of the photographs, the Government has now suspended the six police officers involved and ordered a judicial inquiry.
Okram Ibobi Singh, Manipur’s Chief Minister, said he had been misled by his own police chief.
“I admit I said Sanjit was an active member of the separatist People’s Liberation Army (PLA), because that is what the police chief told me,” he told a news conference.
“Now I know he had surrendered and apparently was not involved in the activities of his former organization.” Sanjit is reported to have left the PLA on health grounds in 2006, and to have been living with his family and working as an attendant in a private hospital ever since.
“Further action will depend on the outcome of the judicial inquiry,” the Chief Minister said.
However, activists warned that a judicial inquiry could take years, and that members of the security forces accused in several previous cases had yet to be held to account.
Securing convictions in such cases is particularly hard in Manipur because it is covered by the Armed Forces Special Powers Act, which allows security forces to arrest, torture and kill without fear of prosecution.
Mr Chakma of the ACHR said that he had documented 19 encounter killings in Manipur last year alone and more than 50 over the past five years, the highest number for any state in India.
"Wars May Come and Wars May Go But Art Is Forever."
How the media is complicit in the LA Fitness murders.
How the media is complicit in the LA Fitness murders.
By
Kimpunkrock
www.kimpunkrock.blogspot.com
A few days ago a man named George Sodini entered a Latin Dance fitness class in Pennsylvania and opened fire, killing three women and himself. The killer had planned this attack for at least a year and kept a blog about his plans online. Why no one was able to read the blog and put two and two together is a mystery. The Daily Mail of London posted the blog he kept online for all those to read. Below this article is the entire blog as posted on the Daily Mail website.
Now as you can see from his blog, George was very frustrated at what he considered the faults of his life, mainly not being able to cope with his failure with women. I have said time and time again that the media, Hollywood and TV keep this false ideology playing out in our lives to make us feel unworthy. Most of us are taught from a young age that if you don’t have an active sex life and an active dating life then you are nothing. I myself have had this problem of not enough dates and not enough sex. When I was in my teens and in my twenties I made the mistake of thinking I did not fit in with my peers at film school because I was inexperienced sexually. This pain that I carried, enforced by the media, led me to make some mistakes in my life with my one true love because I felt unworthy. Not having had much sexual experience wrecked my psyche for many years but luckily into my 30's I finally gained the self-esteem that was taken from me by the media. Unluckily for those three women that George killed, he could not learn to love himself. He could not see through the lies of the media and the lies of sex.
TV shows like Sex in the City, Nip Tuck and countless others harm and hurt the human psyche more than the people responsible for making these shows could ever realize. The fact that we are taught that sex is the most important thing in our lives is one of the BIGGEST LIES the Illuminati and secret gov't shove down our throats. Sex is actually something that is only important if you want to have kids, other than that orgasms can be attained by yourself.
Sex is something that needs to be looked at in a more open and positive way. I wonder if George was able to go to a sex positive community center, like they have here in Seattle, if he would have committed these murders. Community centers like this are important for the well being of society. If someone could just join a club to get laid, I believe that most sexual stigma's would fall away.
Back in the days of ancient Rome and Greece public orgies were common place. Up until the Church of Rome started perverting society and making people feel guilty for their sexual urges, even in England orgies were common in Royal societies. Since the church started spewing their lies all over the planet, the orgies and sexual extremes of the ruling elite went underground. When these types of practices went underground, the Church and the state run Medias were constantly making people feel bad about their sexual urges while at the same time making people believe that they were nothing without it. Creating a huge oxymoron for mankind, your damned if you do and your damned if you don’t.
If only George had been taught to love himself first and that he was not his body but an immortal soul that only needs self love and self esteem, then maybe those 3 women would be alive right now. Hollywood, the media and TV are all complicit in taking away our self esteem and giving us false versions of reality. This of course is all done by design to further pollute our souls with self hate and self loathing so the ruling elite can just do whatever it wants to us. When people have no self love or no self esteem, it is hard to get them to stand up for themselves and for each other.
The lie that we are nothing without a sexual partner is one that needs to die. So many rapes in our society happen because of the pollution of our souls by Hollywood, the media and the false perception that we have to have sex to be complete. With this perception being borrowed into our consciousness from the time we hit puberty, it is no wonder why people like George go off the deep end. We have been taught to feel bad about ourselves if we are a failure with sex and dating. This is something that needs to stop. Hollywood and the actors that play these roles need to start taking responsibility for the damage they are creating in society. If we are ever to have justice for our souls, Hollywood the way it is now must be dismantled, destroyed and every actor/actress complicit in these crimes should be stripped of their wealth and banned from acting in the main stream media forever.
The media itself is so sick that it will never take responsibility for itself. We need to go after people like Rupert Murdoch and others to guarantee their sick agenda is stopped in its tracks. A lot of people need to go down before things change. I only hope the families of the women that were killed can see through these lies so that their loved ones can have real justice.
Here is the blog as it appeared in the Daily Mail. Nothing has been changed.
George Sodini
Age 48.
DOB 9/30/1960
DOD 8/4/2009
5-10, 155 lbs.
Never married.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania USA
Me
Why do this?? To young girls? Just read below. I kept a running log that includes my thoughts and actions, after I saw this project was going to drag on.
November 5, 2008:
Planned to do this in the summer but figure to stick around to see the election outcome. This particular one got so much attention and I was just curious. Not like I give a flying f*** who won, since this exit plan was already planned. Good luck to Obama! He will be successful. The liberal media LOVES him. Amerika has chosen The Black Man. Good!...
December 22, 2008:
Time is moving along. Planned to have this done already. I will just keep a running log here as time passes. Many of the young girls here look so beautiful as to not be human, very edible. After joining this gym, started lifting weights and like it. Much info about weight programs, diet etc on the web. Or anything for that matter. Instead of TV I can Google for hours to relax. TV and most movies are dull.
December 24, 2008:
Moving into Christmas again. No girlfriend since 1984, last Christmas with Pam was in 1983. Who knows why. I am not ugly or too weird. No sex since July 1990 either (I was 29). No s***! Over eighteen years ago. And did it maybe only 50-75 times in my life. Getting to think that a woman now would just, uh, get in the way of things. Isolated. I have extra money and enjoy traveling, too, wtih my 25-30 days of vacation. LA was the best! But going alone is not too fun. Invited to a party on Christmas day tomorrow. Seems about 15-25 people will actually show. I like her parties; I can meet new people and talk. Got the next 8 days off. I should have exit plan done and practiced by then. I know nothing will change, no matter how hard I try or what goals I set.
December 28, 2008:
Glad I stayed around. All these days off are great. I will shoot for Tuesday, January 6, 2009, at maybe 8:15. I have list of to-do items to make.
December 29, 2008:
Just got back from tanning, been doing this for a while. No gym today, my elbow is sore again. I actually look good. I dress good, am clean-shaven, bathe, touch of cologne - yet 30 million women rejected me - over an 18 or 25-year period. That is how I see it. Thirty million is my rough guesstimate of how many desirable single women there are. A man needs a woman for confidence. He gets a boost on the job, career, with other men, and everywhere else when he knows inside he has someone to spend the night with and who is also a friend. This type of life I see is a closed world with me specifically and totally excluded. Every other guy does this successfully to a degree. Flying solo for many years is a destroyer. Yet many people say I am easy to get along with, etc. Looking back, I owe nothing to desirable females who ask for anything, except for basic courtesy - usually. Looking back over everything, what bothers me most is the inability to work towards whatever change I choose.
December 30, 2008:
While driving I radio surfed to a talk show. The caller was a 30ish black man who was describing the despair in certain black communities. According to him, life is cheap there because you are going to die anyway when you get old. It is the quality of life that is important, he said. If you know the past 40 years were crappy, why live another 30 crappy years then die? His point was they engage in dangerous behavior which tends to shorten the lifespans, to die now and avoid the next 30 crappy years, using my example. The host got sarcastic and ended the call instead of trying understanding his point. Agreement wasn't necesary. I put music back on. But it was an interesting, and useful point for me to hear.
December 31, 2008:
My anger and rage is largely gone since I began lifting weights. Lifting drains me but I still have energy. Somebody else suggested running but that did not help me. I guess strenuous exercise is necesary for a man. So I just learned that now at 48. Maybe 30 years later than I would have liked. My dad never (not once) talked to me or asked about my life's details and tell me what he knew. He was just a useless sperm doner. Don't know why, find it fun talking to young kids when I visit someone. Brother was actually counter-productive and would try to embarase me or discourage my efferts when persuing things, esp girls early on (teen years). Useless bully. Result is I am learning basics by trial and error in my 40s, followed by discuragement. Seems odd, but thats true. Writing all this is helping me justify my plan and to see the futility of continuing. Too embarassed to tell anyone this, at almost 50 one is expected to just know these things.
I hope it doesn't snow on Tuesday. Just thought of that. The crowd will be thin so I would postpone. S***!
Now that I am on the topic of family and people I know, I might as well make a summary of sorts to show where things stand. This is New Years Eve I have time, no date tonight of course, so:
Honorable mention:
Tetelestai Church in Pittsburgh, PA - "Be Ye Holy, even as I have been Ye holy! Thus saith the lord thy God!", as pastor Rick K would proclaim. Holy s***, religion is a waste. But this guy teaches (and convinced me) you can commit mass murder then still go to heaven. Ask him. If no answer there, he should still live at. In any case, guilt and fear kept me there 13 long years until Nov 2006. I think his crap did the most damage. Their web site: http://www.tetelestai.org.
Mum - The Central Boss. Don't piss her off or she will be mad and vindictive for years. She actually thinks she's normal. Very dominant. Her way and only her way with no flexibility toward everyone in the household. A power and control thing. People outside the immediate family like her. Why are people vicious with their closest ones? She is the Boss above all other Bosses.
M Sodini - A Boss, my brother (M Sodini) - Always the big bully, twice the size of most others. When he bullied or harassed someone, it was the other person who "deserved it". It was always about him. Way to self absorbed, too. Still is. Used to like to embarrass guys in front of their girlfriends. Lots of other s***. Kind of guy you actually loved to hate. The biggest, most self-centered jagoff I know. He took those bullying "skills" into the business world and is doing good financially. He is a big wheel only in his mind. Most people can see thru all his manipulation. He calls only when he wants something.
S - sister - More of a victim than anything. Copes by exercising much control over her adult children. We used to be close until her control of L & D caused a conflict. Never the same after.
D - neph, sis's son (girlfriend Mallory S). Good young guy, though.
L - niece, sis's daught. Attractive, smart, emotional - all good YW qualities.
Idiots:
Andy P- I have been in barrooms and church groups. The worst people by far are the religious types. Especially a right-wing, stiff-faced fundie like Andy. A condescending, demeaning, passive-aggresive person. Frigid, rigid, linear and totally inflexible. Being a very serious person, he cannot hide his frown-lined face. He better not try to smile; lest his face might crack. I knew children of parents who grew up in strict religious homes. Religion has a certain stink to it of guilt, shame, fear, and that moral standard that always contradicts the natural tendencies and desires of a person. Therin lies the conflict. Young person cannot experiment with things to decide on their own and establish their own parameters. So they tend to cut loose and really rebel much worse than the average young person. Ma and Pa never know what goes on. They easily BS their parents because they want to believe their little one is an angel. Andy has a young daughter Bethany P away at college. I saw her picture on his desk. She's your basic, attractive, young girl. Please reread my entry made on Nov 5th. That's only one thing she can do. You Andy types out there need to further strengthen your strict resolve and do more of the same thing! Because those girls were great when I recall my college years! She is someone's (or many guy's) little hoe now, I am sure.
Another point about andy. How can someone be cold, vicious, sarcastic and generally nasty ALL THE TIME and then make the claim about their church life and how good they are? Total hypocritical idiots.
That's all for now. That felt good.
Let's continue...
January 5, 2009:
Was at the gym to lift. Very crowded. Tomorrow should be good. There is a woman there that gives me a certain look every time I am there. I decided to walk over and make a comment about the crowds but she left when I finished the exercise. Better that I do not get sidetracked from tomorrow's plan anyways. Life is just playing games. One or two dates with her, then the end. No matter how many changes I try to make, things stay the same. Every evening I am alone, and then go to bed alone. Young women were brutal when I was younger, now they aren't as much, probably because they just see me just as another old man.
I see twenty something couples everywhere. I see a twenty something guy with a nice twentyish young women. I think those years slipped right by for me. Why should I continue another 20+ years alone? I will just work, come home, eat, maybe do something, then go to bed (alone) for the next day of the same thing. This is the Auschwitz Syndrome, to be in serious pain so long one thinks it is normal. I cannot wait for tomorrow!
January 6, 2009:
I can do this. Leaving work today, I felt like a zombie - just going thru the motions. Get on the bus, get the car, drive home.....My mind is screwed up anymore, I can't concentrate at work or think at all.
This log is not detailed. It is only for confidence to do this. The future holds even less than what I have today.
It is 6:40pm, about hour and a half to go. God have mercy. I wish life could be better for all and the crazy world can somehow run smoother. I wish I had answers. Bye.
It is 8:45PM: I chickened out! S***! I brought the loaded guns, everything. Hell!
April 24, 2009:
Early last month, we had our second general layoff. I survived. First one was in November. When I began 10 years ago, that used to be a nice place to work. I understand the need to reduce staff when times sour, but this is out of proportion to the economic problems at this time. The economy is shrinking by about 4-5%. They decided not to pay Christmas bonus - for staff that amounts to about 8% of yearly pay. Well, OK. Plus no yearly "merit" raise, another 3.5%. That totals to about 11% cut. Plus two layoffs of 5% staff in each case. Do the math. I know this firm is using this downturn as an excuse to take advanage of a bad situation and kill jobs UNNECESSARILY. The second layoff people who actually did work were let go. We all need to pick up the slack so the company can cut beyond what is necesary. Wasn't going to mention it, because of all this s***, it is **** the large law firm headquartered here in Pittsburgh. Most people there are OK and I would never have a shoot 'em up there. They paid me for 10 years, so far!
I predict I won't survive the next layoff. That is when there is no point to continue. RIght now, life is bearable and I can get by indefinitely. Something bad must happen. The paycheck is all I have left. The future holds nothing for me. Twenty five years of nothing fun. I never even spent one weekend with a girl in my life, even at my own place. Also unlikely to find another similar job. I guess then is when I take care of things. I don't have kids, close friends or anything. Just me here. If you have nothing, you have nothing to lose.
I enjoy writing these entries, I have no plans to go back and edit or even read most stuff already written. If you get bored, just click that "x" at the top, right corner of your browser. Bye.
May 4, 2009:
I was so eager to do this last year. The big problem on my mind now is that my job will end soon. One project is being transistioned to another. The other one I am solely responsible, but is being fast tracked to production. I estimate maybe a month. I am not ready for the job market. I am ok what I do, a .NET software developer. Not at the top of the class, but I do a good job. I survived two general layoffs and other little layoffs they are having but keeping quiet about. I hear things.
The problem is I feel too good now to do this but too bad to enjoy life. I know I will never enjoy life. This is an over 30 year trend. Some people are happy, some are miserable. It is difficult to live almost continuously feeling an undercurrent of fear, worry, discontentment and helplessness. I can talk and joke around and sound happy but under it all is something different that seems unchangable and a permanent part of my being. I need to realize the details of what I never accomplished in life and to be convinced the future is merely a continuation of the past - WHICH IT ALWAYS has been. I am making a list of items that will provide motivation to do the exit plan, it won't be published. I always had hope that maybe things will improve especially if I make big attempts to change my life. I made many big changes in the past two years but everything is still the same. Life is over. Even though I look good, dress well, well groomed - nails, teeth, hair, etc. Who knows.
What is it like to be dead? I always think I am forgetting something, that's one reason I postponed. Similar to when you leave to get in your car to go somewhere - you hesitate with a thought: "what am I forgetting?". In this case, I cannot make a return trip!
I like to write and talk. Ironic because I haven't met anybody recently (past 30 years) who I want to be close friends with OR who want to be close friends with me. I was always open to suggestions to what I am doing wrong, no brother or father (mine are useless) or close friend to nudge me and give it bluntly yet tactfully wtf I am doing wrong. A personal coach or someone who knows what he is doing would be perfect. Money is highly secondary for a solution.
May 5, 2009:
To pull the exit plan off, it popped into my mind to just use some booze. I want to do this before I get laid off, for reasons not worth mentioning but don't seem to have the balls. After the gym, I stopped at Shop N Save and got a fifth of vodka and a small bottle of Jack Daniels. I haven't had a drink since September 1, 1988, just over 20 years. It doesn't matter now, I need to use it to take the edge off of carrying out the exit plan. I will be taking some every now and then to get used to it and see if the alcohol effects will embolden me. Weed would be fun to try again. I don't know who has any. Life is over, who cares? I just need to use common sense, can't drink and drive, etc. This idea just hit me at a point in time and I immediately acted on it. Same thing happened when I decided to go back to Pitt full time, first day was Monday, May 8, 1989, and to buy the house that closed on Friday, September 30, 1996, to name two examples I remember so well.
The list idea yesterday is working. I carry it in my wallet and add to it. I am feeling to good to do carry this out, but too bad to enjoy ANYTHING. My life's dilema.
May 6, 2009:
I started the JD. About one ounce with some tea to get me started. No big deal.
May 7, 2009:
Went to the gym and did mostly cardio. My heart rate was 117 just from walking on the treadmill at 3.4. This should be done a few times a week for maybe 15 mins or so to keep the heart active. I sprinted a few times to push the limits.
May 18, 2009:
I actually had a date today. It was with a woman I met on the bus in March. We got together at Two PPG Place for lunch. The last date for me was May 1, 2008. Women just don't like me. There are 30 million desirable women in the US (my estimate) and I cannot find one. Not one of them finds me attractive. I am looking at The List I made from my May 4th idea. I forgot about that for several days. That tells me where I stand. These problems have gotten worse over a 30 year period. I need to expect nothing from me or other people. All through the years I thought we had the ability to change ourselves - I guess that is incorrect. Looking at The List makes me realize how TOTALLY ALONE, a deeper word is ISOLATED, I am from all else.
I no longer have any expectations of myself. I have no options because I cannot work toward and achieve even the smallest goals. That is, ABOVE ALL, what bothers me the most. Not to be able to work towards what I want in my life. I believe I am deserve that. I read recently it is called "self efficacy", but who knows. Is that more psychobable?
May 25, 2009:
I was invited to a picnic, and I went. An older woman there, out of the blue, asked if I liked high school. Then quickly asked if I was picked on very much. Intersting why she would ask that. But, thanks, I already know what the problem is, but a solution eludes me.
May 29, 2009:
Another lonely Friday night, I'm done. This is too much.
June 2, 2009:
Some people I was talking with believed I date a lot and get around with women. They think this because I showed an email I got from a hot woman to the department gossip, but it didn't work out. All this is funny. Actually, I haven't had sex since I was 29 years old, 19 years ago. That's true.
June 5, 2009:
I was reading several posts on different forums and it seems many teenage girls have sex frequently. One 16 year old does it usually three times a day with her boyfriend. So, err, after a month of that, this little hoe has had more sex than ME in my LIFE, and I am 48. One more reason. Thanks for nada, b*****s! Bye.
July 4, 2009:
Wow, already late evening. I stayed in all day. Can't believe there was NOTHING to do today. No parties or picnics. WTF. No need to leave now.
July 20, 2009:
Been a long time since last write. Everything still sucks. But I got a promotion and a raise, even in this s****y Obama ecomomy. No more grunt programming. Go figure! New boss is great. He tactfully says when you did something wrong or complements on good things. Never confused with him. But that is NOT what I want in life. I guess some of us were simply meant to walk a lonely path. I have slept alone for over 20 years. Last time I slept all night with a girlfriend it was 1982. Proof I am a total malfunction. Girls and women don't even give me a second look ANYWHERE. There is something BLATANTLY wrong with me that NO goddam person will tell me what it is. Every person just wants to be ***** nice and say nice things to me. Flattery. Oh yeah, I am sure you can get a date anytime. You look good, etc...
Awwww, wait. I can just start being self-righteous and say I live a good, clean life. I am holy, that's all Rick Knapp stuff. Hear that you mother f***er: I Am Just Good!
July 23, 2009:
Wow!!
I just looked out my front window and saw a beautiful college-age girl leave Bob F's house, across the street. I guess he got a good lay today. College girls are h***... He is about 45 years old. She was a long haired, hot little hottie... Some were simply meant to walk a lonely path in life. I don't usually look out, but just happened to notice... Thanks, mum and brother (by blood alone). And dad, old man, for TOTALLY ignoring me through the years. All of you DEEPLY helped me be this way.
I wish I can go back to 1975 and fix things. Awe, that wont work, big BULLY BROTHER would assert his bull s***. He was twice my size. He never messed with guys bigger than 5'10, or so... Remember, M is my brother (we have common parents, that's all) is still a BOSS. Repetition only for emphasis: HE IS ONLY A BULLY, even at 50ish! Never forget that! Because he exudes confidence. People believe bull s*** if delivered WITH CONFIDENCE. Get it??
I don't know where I am going with this. I am getting tired, feels good to write and get it all out.
On still another thought, I had 20+ years of sobriety and achieved nothing about friendships, girlfriends, guys, etc. Zilch. What a waste.
Bye, for today.
August 2, 2009:
The biggest problem of all is not having relationships or friends, but not being able to achieve and acquire what I desire in those or many other areas. Everthing stays the same regardless of the effert I put in. If I had control over my life then I would be happier. But for about the past 30 years, I have not
August 3, 2009:
I took off today, Monday, and tomorrow to practice my routine and make sure it is well polished. I need to work out every detail, there is only one shot. Also I need to be completely immersed into something before I can be successful. I haven't had a drink since Friday at about 2:30. Total effort needed. Tomorrow is the big day.
Unfortunately I talked to my neighbor today, who is very positive and upbeat. I need to remain focused and absorbed COMPLETELY. Last time I tried this, in January, I chickened out. Lets see how this new approach works.
Maybe soon, I will see God and Jesus. At least that is what I was told. Eternal life does NOT depend on works. If it did, we will all be in hell. Christ paid for EVERY sin, so how can I or you be judged BY GOD for a sin when the penalty was ALREADY paid. People judge but that does not matter. I was reading the Bible and The Integrity of God beginning yesterday, because soon I will see them.
I will try not to add anymore entries because this computer clicking distracts me.
Also, any of the "Practice Papers" left on my coffee table I used or the notes in my gym bag can be published freely. I will not be embarased, because, well, I will be dead. Some people like to study that stuff. Maybe all this will shed insight on why some people just cannot make things happen in their life, which can potentially benefit others.
Miscellaneous:
1. Probably 99% of the people who know me well don't even think I was this crazy. Told by at least 100 girls/women over the years I was a "nice guy". Not kidding.
2. LV had my baby in early 1991. Haven't seen her since she was about four months into it. I knew her sister, Chris, from high school.
3. Net worth slightly more than $250K, (after all debt) as of end of 2008.
4. Death Lives!
© 2009 George Sodini
This should not be taken off the web. It is obviously my view and opinion.
Reproduce this as you wish, in its entirity.
**Copy this to usenet/newsgroups where my voice will speak forever!**
Don't modify it, you can correct my spelling errors, I used WordPad.
Unless the names are required legally to be blotted out, then fine. Thanks.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1204389/Five-dead-dance-class-gunman-goes-rampage-US-gym.html#ixzz0NPMnC9sY
"Wars May Come and Wars May Go But Art Is Forever."
By
Kimpunkrock
www.kimpunkrock.blogspot.com
A few days ago a man named George Sodini entered a Latin Dance fitness class in Pennsylvania and opened fire, killing three women and himself. The killer had planned this attack for at least a year and kept a blog about his plans online. Why no one was able to read the blog and put two and two together is a mystery. The Daily Mail of London posted the blog he kept online for all those to read. Below this article is the entire blog as posted on the Daily Mail website.
Now as you can see from his blog, George was very frustrated at what he considered the faults of his life, mainly not being able to cope with his failure with women. I have said time and time again that the media, Hollywood and TV keep this false ideology playing out in our lives to make us feel unworthy. Most of us are taught from a young age that if you don’t have an active sex life and an active dating life then you are nothing. I myself have had this problem of not enough dates and not enough sex. When I was in my teens and in my twenties I made the mistake of thinking I did not fit in with my peers at film school because I was inexperienced sexually. This pain that I carried, enforced by the media, led me to make some mistakes in my life with my one true love because I felt unworthy. Not having had much sexual experience wrecked my psyche for many years but luckily into my 30's I finally gained the self-esteem that was taken from me by the media. Unluckily for those three women that George killed, he could not learn to love himself. He could not see through the lies of the media and the lies of sex.
TV shows like Sex in the City, Nip Tuck and countless others harm and hurt the human psyche more than the people responsible for making these shows could ever realize. The fact that we are taught that sex is the most important thing in our lives is one of the BIGGEST LIES the Illuminati and secret gov't shove down our throats. Sex is actually something that is only important if you want to have kids, other than that orgasms can be attained by yourself.
Sex is something that needs to be looked at in a more open and positive way. I wonder if George was able to go to a sex positive community center, like they have here in Seattle, if he would have committed these murders. Community centers like this are important for the well being of society. If someone could just join a club to get laid, I believe that most sexual stigma's would fall away.
Back in the days of ancient Rome and Greece public orgies were common place. Up until the Church of Rome started perverting society and making people feel guilty for their sexual urges, even in England orgies were common in Royal societies. Since the church started spewing their lies all over the planet, the orgies and sexual extremes of the ruling elite went underground. When these types of practices went underground, the Church and the state run Medias were constantly making people feel bad about their sexual urges while at the same time making people believe that they were nothing without it. Creating a huge oxymoron for mankind, your damned if you do and your damned if you don’t.
If only George had been taught to love himself first and that he was not his body but an immortal soul that only needs self love and self esteem, then maybe those 3 women would be alive right now. Hollywood, the media and TV are all complicit in taking away our self esteem and giving us false versions of reality. This of course is all done by design to further pollute our souls with self hate and self loathing so the ruling elite can just do whatever it wants to us. When people have no self love or no self esteem, it is hard to get them to stand up for themselves and for each other.
The lie that we are nothing without a sexual partner is one that needs to die. So many rapes in our society happen because of the pollution of our souls by Hollywood, the media and the false perception that we have to have sex to be complete. With this perception being borrowed into our consciousness from the time we hit puberty, it is no wonder why people like George go off the deep end. We have been taught to feel bad about ourselves if we are a failure with sex and dating. This is something that needs to stop. Hollywood and the actors that play these roles need to start taking responsibility for the damage they are creating in society. If we are ever to have justice for our souls, Hollywood the way it is now must be dismantled, destroyed and every actor/actress complicit in these crimes should be stripped of their wealth and banned from acting in the main stream media forever.
The media itself is so sick that it will never take responsibility for itself. We need to go after people like Rupert Murdoch and others to guarantee their sick agenda is stopped in its tracks. A lot of people need to go down before things change. I only hope the families of the women that were killed can see through these lies so that their loved ones can have real justice.
Here is the blog as it appeared in the Daily Mail. Nothing has been changed.
George Sodini
Age 48.
DOB 9/30/1960
DOD 8/4/2009
5-10, 155 lbs.
Never married.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania USA
Me
Why do this?? To young girls? Just read below. I kept a running log that includes my thoughts and actions, after I saw this project was going to drag on.
November 5, 2008:
Planned to do this in the summer but figure to stick around to see the election outcome. This particular one got so much attention and I was just curious. Not like I give a flying f*** who won, since this exit plan was already planned. Good luck to Obama! He will be successful. The liberal media LOVES him. Amerika has chosen The Black Man. Good!...
December 22, 2008:
Time is moving along. Planned to have this done already. I will just keep a running log here as time passes. Many of the young girls here look so beautiful as to not be human, very edible. After joining this gym, started lifting weights and like it. Much info about weight programs, diet etc on the web. Or anything for that matter. Instead of TV I can Google for hours to relax. TV and most movies are dull.
December 24, 2008:
Moving into Christmas again. No girlfriend since 1984, last Christmas with Pam was in 1983. Who knows why. I am not ugly or too weird. No sex since July 1990 either (I was 29). No s***! Over eighteen years ago. And did it maybe only 50-75 times in my life. Getting to think that a woman now would just, uh, get in the way of things. Isolated. I have extra money and enjoy traveling, too, wtih my 25-30 days of vacation. LA was the best! But going alone is not too fun. Invited to a party on Christmas day tomorrow. Seems about 15-25 people will actually show. I like her parties; I can meet new people and talk. Got the next 8 days off. I should have exit plan done and practiced by then. I know nothing will change, no matter how hard I try or what goals I set.
December 28, 2008:
Glad I stayed around. All these days off are great. I will shoot for Tuesday, January 6, 2009, at maybe 8:15. I have list of to-do items to make.
December 29, 2008:
Just got back from tanning, been doing this for a while. No gym today, my elbow is sore again. I actually look good. I dress good, am clean-shaven, bathe, touch of cologne - yet 30 million women rejected me - over an 18 or 25-year period. That is how I see it. Thirty million is my rough guesstimate of how many desirable single women there are. A man needs a woman for confidence. He gets a boost on the job, career, with other men, and everywhere else when he knows inside he has someone to spend the night with and who is also a friend. This type of life I see is a closed world with me specifically and totally excluded. Every other guy does this successfully to a degree. Flying solo for many years is a destroyer. Yet many people say I am easy to get along with, etc. Looking back, I owe nothing to desirable females who ask for anything, except for basic courtesy - usually. Looking back over everything, what bothers me most is the inability to work towards whatever change I choose.
December 30, 2008:
While driving I radio surfed to a talk show. The caller was a 30ish black man who was describing the despair in certain black communities. According to him, life is cheap there because you are going to die anyway when you get old. It is the quality of life that is important, he said. If you know the past 40 years were crappy, why live another 30 crappy years then die? His point was they engage in dangerous behavior which tends to shorten the lifespans, to die now and avoid the next 30 crappy years, using my example. The host got sarcastic and ended the call instead of trying understanding his point. Agreement wasn't necesary. I put music back on. But it was an interesting, and useful point for me to hear.
December 31, 2008:
My anger and rage is largely gone since I began lifting weights. Lifting drains me but I still have energy. Somebody else suggested running but that did not help me. I guess strenuous exercise is necesary for a man. So I just learned that now at 48. Maybe 30 years later than I would have liked. My dad never (not once) talked to me or asked about my life's details and tell me what he knew. He was just a useless sperm doner. Don't know why, find it fun talking to young kids when I visit someone. Brother was actually counter-productive and would try to embarase me or discourage my efferts when persuing things, esp girls early on (teen years). Useless bully. Result is I am learning basics by trial and error in my 40s, followed by discuragement. Seems odd, but thats true. Writing all this is helping me justify my plan and to see the futility of continuing. Too embarassed to tell anyone this, at almost 50 one is expected to just know these things.
I hope it doesn't snow on Tuesday. Just thought of that. The crowd will be thin so I would postpone. S***!
Now that I am on the topic of family and people I know, I might as well make a summary of sorts to show where things stand. This is New Years Eve I have time, no date tonight of course, so:
Honorable mention:
Tetelestai Church in Pittsburgh, PA - "Be Ye Holy, even as I have been Ye holy! Thus saith the lord thy God!", as pastor Rick K would proclaim. Holy s***, religion is a waste. But this guy teaches (and convinced me) you can commit mass murder then still go to heaven. Ask him. If no answer there, he should still live at. In any case, guilt and fear kept me there 13 long years until Nov 2006. I think his crap did the most damage. Their web site: http://www.tetelestai.org.
Mum - The Central Boss. Don't piss her off or she will be mad and vindictive for years. She actually thinks she's normal. Very dominant. Her way and only her way with no flexibility toward everyone in the household. A power and control thing. People outside the immediate family like her. Why are people vicious with their closest ones? She is the Boss above all other Bosses.
M Sodini - A Boss, my brother (M Sodini) - Always the big bully, twice the size of most others. When he bullied or harassed someone, it was the other person who "deserved it". It was always about him. Way to self absorbed, too. Still is. Used to like to embarrass guys in front of their girlfriends. Lots of other s***. Kind of guy you actually loved to hate. The biggest, most self-centered jagoff I know. He took those bullying "skills" into the business world and is doing good financially. He is a big wheel only in his mind. Most people can see thru all his manipulation. He calls only when he wants something.
S - sister - More of a victim than anything. Copes by exercising much control over her adult children. We used to be close until her control of L & D caused a conflict. Never the same after.
D - neph, sis's son (girlfriend Mallory S). Good young guy, though.
L - niece, sis's daught. Attractive, smart, emotional - all good YW qualities.
Idiots:
Andy P- I have been in barrooms and church groups. The worst people by far are the religious types. Especially a right-wing, stiff-faced fundie like Andy. A condescending, demeaning, passive-aggresive person. Frigid, rigid, linear and totally inflexible. Being a very serious person, he cannot hide his frown-lined face. He better not try to smile; lest his face might crack. I knew children of parents who grew up in strict religious homes. Religion has a certain stink to it of guilt, shame, fear, and that moral standard that always contradicts the natural tendencies and desires of a person. Therin lies the conflict. Young person cannot experiment with things to decide on their own and establish their own parameters. So they tend to cut loose and really rebel much worse than the average young person. Ma and Pa never know what goes on. They easily BS their parents because they want to believe their little one is an angel. Andy has a young daughter Bethany P away at college. I saw her picture on his desk. She's your basic, attractive, young girl. Please reread my entry made on Nov 5th. That's only one thing she can do. You Andy types out there need to further strengthen your strict resolve and do more of the same thing! Because those girls were great when I recall my college years! She is someone's (or many guy's) little hoe now, I am sure.
Another point about andy. How can someone be cold, vicious, sarcastic and generally nasty ALL THE TIME and then make the claim about their church life and how good they are? Total hypocritical idiots.
That's all for now. That felt good.
Let's continue...
January 5, 2009:
Was at the gym to lift. Very crowded. Tomorrow should be good. There is a woman there that gives me a certain look every time I am there. I decided to walk over and make a comment about the crowds but she left when I finished the exercise. Better that I do not get sidetracked from tomorrow's plan anyways. Life is just playing games. One or two dates with her, then the end. No matter how many changes I try to make, things stay the same. Every evening I am alone, and then go to bed alone. Young women were brutal when I was younger, now they aren't as much, probably because they just see me just as another old man.
I see twenty something couples everywhere. I see a twenty something guy with a nice twentyish young women. I think those years slipped right by for me. Why should I continue another 20+ years alone? I will just work, come home, eat, maybe do something, then go to bed (alone) for the next day of the same thing. This is the Auschwitz Syndrome, to be in serious pain so long one thinks it is normal. I cannot wait for tomorrow!
January 6, 2009:
I can do this. Leaving work today, I felt like a zombie - just going thru the motions. Get on the bus, get the car, drive home.....My mind is screwed up anymore, I can't concentrate at work or think at all.
This log is not detailed. It is only for confidence to do this. The future holds even less than what I have today.
It is 6:40pm, about hour and a half to go. God have mercy. I wish life could be better for all and the crazy world can somehow run smoother. I wish I had answers. Bye.
It is 8:45PM: I chickened out! S***! I brought the loaded guns, everything. Hell!
April 24, 2009:
Early last month, we had our second general layoff. I survived. First one was in November. When I began 10 years ago, that used to be a nice place to work. I understand the need to reduce staff when times sour, but this is out of proportion to the economic problems at this time. The economy is shrinking by about 4-5%. They decided not to pay Christmas bonus - for staff that amounts to about 8% of yearly pay. Well, OK. Plus no yearly "merit" raise, another 3.5%. That totals to about 11% cut. Plus two layoffs of 5% staff in each case. Do the math. I know this firm is using this downturn as an excuse to take advanage of a bad situation and kill jobs UNNECESSARILY. The second layoff people who actually did work were let go. We all need to pick up the slack so the company can cut beyond what is necesary. Wasn't going to mention it, because of all this s***, it is **** the large law firm headquartered here in Pittsburgh. Most people there are OK and I would never have a shoot 'em up there. They paid me for 10 years, so far!
I predict I won't survive the next layoff. That is when there is no point to continue. RIght now, life is bearable and I can get by indefinitely. Something bad must happen. The paycheck is all I have left. The future holds nothing for me. Twenty five years of nothing fun. I never even spent one weekend with a girl in my life, even at my own place. Also unlikely to find another similar job. I guess then is when I take care of things. I don't have kids, close friends or anything. Just me here. If you have nothing, you have nothing to lose.
I enjoy writing these entries, I have no plans to go back and edit or even read most stuff already written. If you get bored, just click that "x" at the top, right corner of your browser. Bye.
May 4, 2009:
I was so eager to do this last year. The big problem on my mind now is that my job will end soon. One project is being transistioned to another. The other one I am solely responsible, but is being fast tracked to production. I estimate maybe a month. I am not ready for the job market. I am ok what I do, a .NET software developer. Not at the top of the class, but I do a good job. I survived two general layoffs and other little layoffs they are having but keeping quiet about. I hear things.
The problem is I feel too good now to do this but too bad to enjoy life. I know I will never enjoy life. This is an over 30 year trend. Some people are happy, some are miserable. It is difficult to live almost continuously feeling an undercurrent of fear, worry, discontentment and helplessness. I can talk and joke around and sound happy but under it all is something different that seems unchangable and a permanent part of my being. I need to realize the details of what I never accomplished in life and to be convinced the future is merely a continuation of the past - WHICH IT ALWAYS has been. I am making a list of items that will provide motivation to do the exit plan, it won't be published. I always had hope that maybe things will improve especially if I make big attempts to change my life. I made many big changes in the past two years but everything is still the same. Life is over. Even though I look good, dress well, well groomed - nails, teeth, hair, etc. Who knows.
What is it like to be dead? I always think I am forgetting something, that's one reason I postponed. Similar to when you leave to get in your car to go somewhere - you hesitate with a thought: "what am I forgetting?". In this case, I cannot make a return trip!
I like to write and talk. Ironic because I haven't met anybody recently (past 30 years) who I want to be close friends with OR who want to be close friends with me. I was always open to suggestions to what I am doing wrong, no brother or father (mine are useless) or close friend to nudge me and give it bluntly yet tactfully wtf I am doing wrong. A personal coach or someone who knows what he is doing would be perfect. Money is highly secondary for a solution.
May 5, 2009:
To pull the exit plan off, it popped into my mind to just use some booze. I want to do this before I get laid off, for reasons not worth mentioning but don't seem to have the balls. After the gym, I stopped at Shop N Save and got a fifth of vodka and a small bottle of Jack Daniels. I haven't had a drink since September 1, 1988, just over 20 years. It doesn't matter now, I need to use it to take the edge off of carrying out the exit plan. I will be taking some every now and then to get used to it and see if the alcohol effects will embolden me. Weed would be fun to try again. I don't know who has any. Life is over, who cares? I just need to use common sense, can't drink and drive, etc. This idea just hit me at a point in time and I immediately acted on it. Same thing happened when I decided to go back to Pitt full time, first day was Monday, May 8, 1989, and to buy the house that closed on Friday, September 30, 1996, to name two examples I remember so well.
The list idea yesterday is working. I carry it in my wallet and add to it. I am feeling to good to do carry this out, but too bad to enjoy ANYTHING. My life's dilema.
May 6, 2009:
I started the JD. About one ounce with some tea to get me started. No big deal.
May 7, 2009:
Went to the gym and did mostly cardio. My heart rate was 117 just from walking on the treadmill at 3.4. This should be done a few times a week for maybe 15 mins or so to keep the heart active. I sprinted a few times to push the limits.
May 18, 2009:
I actually had a date today. It was with a woman I met on the bus in March. We got together at Two PPG Place for lunch. The last date for me was May 1, 2008. Women just don't like me. There are 30 million desirable women in the US (my estimate) and I cannot find one. Not one of them finds me attractive. I am looking at The List I made from my May 4th idea. I forgot about that for several days. That tells me where I stand. These problems have gotten worse over a 30 year period. I need to expect nothing from me or other people. All through the years I thought we had the ability to change ourselves - I guess that is incorrect. Looking at The List makes me realize how TOTALLY ALONE, a deeper word is ISOLATED, I am from all else.
I no longer have any expectations of myself. I have no options because I cannot work toward and achieve even the smallest goals. That is, ABOVE ALL, what bothers me the most. Not to be able to work towards what I want in my life. I believe I am deserve that. I read recently it is called "self efficacy", but who knows. Is that more psychobable?
May 25, 2009:
I was invited to a picnic, and I went. An older woman there, out of the blue, asked if I liked high school. Then quickly asked if I was picked on very much. Intersting why she would ask that. But, thanks, I already know what the problem is, but a solution eludes me.
May 29, 2009:
Another lonely Friday night, I'm done. This is too much.
June 2, 2009:
Some people I was talking with believed I date a lot and get around with women. They think this because I showed an email I got from a hot woman to the department gossip, but it didn't work out. All this is funny. Actually, I haven't had sex since I was 29 years old, 19 years ago. That's true.
June 5, 2009:
I was reading several posts on different forums and it seems many teenage girls have sex frequently. One 16 year old does it usually three times a day with her boyfriend. So, err, after a month of that, this little hoe has had more sex than ME in my LIFE, and I am 48. One more reason. Thanks for nada, b*****s! Bye.
July 4, 2009:
Wow, already late evening. I stayed in all day. Can't believe there was NOTHING to do today. No parties or picnics. WTF. No need to leave now.
July 20, 2009:
Been a long time since last write. Everything still sucks. But I got a promotion and a raise, even in this s****y Obama ecomomy. No more grunt programming. Go figure! New boss is great. He tactfully says when you did something wrong or complements on good things. Never confused with him. But that is NOT what I want in life. I guess some of us were simply meant to walk a lonely path. I have slept alone for over 20 years. Last time I slept all night with a girlfriend it was 1982. Proof I am a total malfunction. Girls and women don't even give me a second look ANYWHERE. There is something BLATANTLY wrong with me that NO goddam person will tell me what it is. Every person just wants to be ***** nice and say nice things to me. Flattery. Oh yeah, I am sure you can get a date anytime. You look good, etc...
Awwww, wait. I can just start being self-righteous and say I live a good, clean life. I am holy, that's all Rick Knapp stuff. Hear that you mother f***er: I Am Just Good!
July 23, 2009:
Wow!!
I just looked out my front window and saw a beautiful college-age girl leave Bob F's house, across the street. I guess he got a good lay today. College girls are h***... He is about 45 years old. She was a long haired, hot little hottie... Some were simply meant to walk a lonely path in life. I don't usually look out, but just happened to notice... Thanks, mum and brother (by blood alone). And dad, old man, for TOTALLY ignoring me through the years. All of you DEEPLY helped me be this way.
I wish I can go back to 1975 and fix things. Awe, that wont work, big BULLY BROTHER would assert his bull s***. He was twice my size. He never messed with guys bigger than 5'10, or so... Remember, M is my brother (we have common parents, that's all) is still a BOSS. Repetition only for emphasis: HE IS ONLY A BULLY, even at 50ish! Never forget that! Because he exudes confidence. People believe bull s*** if delivered WITH CONFIDENCE. Get it??
I don't know where I am going with this. I am getting tired, feels good to write and get it all out.
On still another thought, I had 20+ years of sobriety and achieved nothing about friendships, girlfriends, guys, etc. Zilch. What a waste.
Bye, for today.
August 2, 2009:
The biggest problem of all is not having relationships or friends, but not being able to achieve and acquire what I desire in those or many other areas. Everthing stays the same regardless of the effert I put in. If I had control over my life then I would be happier. But for about the past 30 years, I have not
August 3, 2009:
I took off today, Monday, and tomorrow to practice my routine and make sure it is well polished. I need to work out every detail, there is only one shot. Also I need to be completely immersed into something before I can be successful. I haven't had a drink since Friday at about 2:30. Total effort needed. Tomorrow is the big day.
Unfortunately I talked to my neighbor today, who is very positive and upbeat. I need to remain focused and absorbed COMPLETELY. Last time I tried this, in January, I chickened out. Lets see how this new approach works.
Maybe soon, I will see God and Jesus. At least that is what I was told. Eternal life does NOT depend on works. If it did, we will all be in hell. Christ paid for EVERY sin, so how can I or you be judged BY GOD for a sin when the penalty was ALREADY paid. People judge but that does not matter. I was reading the Bible and The Integrity of God beginning yesterday, because soon I will see them.
I will try not to add anymore entries because this computer clicking distracts me.
Also, any of the "Practice Papers" left on my coffee table I used or the notes in my gym bag can be published freely. I will not be embarased, because, well, I will be dead. Some people like to study that stuff. Maybe all this will shed insight on why some people just cannot make things happen in their life, which can potentially benefit others.
Miscellaneous:
1. Probably 99% of the people who know me well don't even think I was this crazy. Told by at least 100 girls/women over the years I was a "nice guy". Not kidding.
2. LV had my baby in early 1991. Haven't seen her since she was about four months into it. I knew her sister, Chris, from high school.
3. Net worth slightly more than $250K, (after all debt) as of end of 2008.
4. Death Lives!
© 2009 George Sodini
This should not be taken off the web. It is obviously my view and opinion.
Reproduce this as you wish, in its entirity.
**Copy this to usenet/newsgroups where my voice will speak forever!**
Don't modify it, you can correct my spelling errors, I used WordPad.
Unless the names are required legally to be blotted out, then fine. Thanks.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1204389/Five-dead-dance-class-gunman-goes-rampage-US-gym.html#ixzz0NPMnC9sY
"Wars May Come and Wars May Go But Art Is Forever."
Monday, August 3, 2009
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Saturday, August 1, 2009
DON'T BELIEVE THE GOV'T WANTS MARTIAL LAW IN THE USA?....read this!
Army National Guard Advertises for “Internment Specialists”
Kurt Nimmo
Infowars
July 31, 2009
Doubt the government plans to impose martial law and round up dissidents and other malcontents? Well, the Army National Guard is advertising for qualified personnel to work as Corrections Officers and Internment/Resettlement Specialists.
featured stories Army National Guard Advertises for Internment Specialists
“Avenge me, boys!” Fiction becomes fact. In the film Red Dawn, Harry Dean Stanton is put in a communist re-education camp.
“As an Internment/Resettlement Specialist for the Army National Guard, you will ensure the smooth running of military confinement/correctional facility or detention/internment facility, similar to those duties conducted by civilian Corrections Officers,” a classified ad posted on the web states. “This will require you to know proper procedures and military law; and have the ability to think quickly in high-stress situations. Specific duties may include assisting with supervision and management operations; providing facility security; providing custody, control, supervision, and escort; and counseling individual prisoners in rehabilitative programs.”
The term “rehabilitative programs” is key. Glenn Beck and the corporate media may attempt to discredit the fact there are FEMA camps, but military documents demonstrate the government plans to herd people into internment camps. Army Regulation 210-35, entitled “Civilian Inmate Labor Program,” provides “guidance for establishing and managing civilian inmate labor programs on Army installations. It provides guidance on establishing prison camps on Army installations.”
In Mao’s China, the government established a sprawling system of administrative detention centers — known as Laogai — designed to reeducate dissidents and other social misfits through forced slave labor. In the Soviet Union under Stalin, a network of gulags — a Russian acronym for The Chief Administration of Corrective Labor Camps and Colonies — were established, primarily for political prisoners and as a mechanism for repressing political opposition to the Soviet state.
Rex 84 was created in the United States for basically the same reason. “The Rex-84 Alpha Explan (Readiness Exercise 1984, Exercise Plan; otherwise known as a continuity of government plan), indicates that FEMA in association with 34 other federal civil departments and agencies, along with other NATO nations, conducted a civil readiness exercise during April 5-13, 1984. It was conducted in coordination and simultaneously with a Joint Chiefs exercise, Night Train 84, a worldwide military command post exercise (including Continental U.S. Forces or CONUS) based on multi-emergency scenarios operating both abroad and at home. In the combined exercise, Rex-84 Bravo, FEMA and DOD led the other federal agencies and departments, including the Central Intelligence Agency, the Secret Service, the Treasury, the Federal Bureau of Investigation, and the Veterans Administration through a gaming exercise to test military assistance in civil defense,” writes Diana Reynolds. “The exercise anticipated civil disturbances, major demonstrations and strikes that would affect continuity of government and/or resource mobilization. To fight subversive activities, there was authorization for the military to implement government ordered movements of civilian populations at state and regional levels, the arrest of certain unidentified segments of the population, and the imposition of martial law.”
Rex 84 falls under master military contingency plan, Operation Garden Plot, allegedly developed in response to the civil disorders of the 1960s and now under the control of the U.S. Northern Command. Garden Plot was last activated as Noble Eagle following the September 11, 2001 attacks.
Under National Security and Homeland Security Presidential Directive (National Security Presidential Directive NSPD 51/Homeland Security Presidential Directive HSPD-20, or called simply “Executive Directive 51″ for short), signed by George W. Bush on May 4, 2007, the government has the authority to declare a national emergency and impose martial law. NSPD 51 grants extraordinary police state powers to the White House and Homeland Security, presumably including detention of a large number of people as established under Rex 84 and other military programs.
On July 30, CNN reported that the U.S. military is gearing up to get involved in the H1N1 swine flu outbreak promised to strike later this year. “The U.S. military wants to establish regional teams of military personnel to assist civilian authorities in the event of a significant outbreak of the H1N1 virus this fall, according to Defense Department officials,” a proposal that is currently on the desk of Sec. Def. Robert Gates, according to CNN. “As a first step, Gates is being asked to sign a so-called ‘execution order’ that would authorize the military to begin to conduct the detailed planning to execute the proposed plan.”
It looks like the Army National Guard is gearing up to staff camps and “execute the proposed plan” of forcibly vaccinating the public and rounding up and hauling off those who refuse to be injected with a soft kill eugenics weapon as dangerous enemies of the state who need to be interned in forced labor and re-education camps.
http://www.infowars.com/army-national-guard-advertises-for-internment-specialists/
"Wars May Come and Wars May Go But Art Is Forever."
Kurt Nimmo
Infowars
July 31, 2009
Doubt the government plans to impose martial law and round up dissidents and other malcontents? Well, the Army National Guard is advertising for qualified personnel to work as Corrections Officers and Internment/Resettlement Specialists.
featured stories Army National Guard Advertises for Internment Specialists
“Avenge me, boys!” Fiction becomes fact. In the film Red Dawn, Harry Dean Stanton is put in a communist re-education camp.
“As an Internment/Resettlement Specialist for the Army National Guard, you will ensure the smooth running of military confinement/correctional facility or detention/internment facility, similar to those duties conducted by civilian Corrections Officers,” a classified ad posted on the web states. “This will require you to know proper procedures and military law; and have the ability to think quickly in high-stress situations. Specific duties may include assisting with supervision and management operations; providing facility security; providing custody, control, supervision, and escort; and counseling individual prisoners in rehabilitative programs.”
The term “rehabilitative programs” is key. Glenn Beck and the corporate media may attempt to discredit the fact there are FEMA camps, but military documents demonstrate the government plans to herd people into internment camps. Army Regulation 210-35, entitled “Civilian Inmate Labor Program,” provides “guidance for establishing and managing civilian inmate labor programs on Army installations. It provides guidance on establishing prison camps on Army installations.”
In Mao’s China, the government established a sprawling system of administrative detention centers — known as Laogai — designed to reeducate dissidents and other social misfits through forced slave labor. In the Soviet Union under Stalin, a network of gulags — a Russian acronym for The Chief Administration of Corrective Labor Camps and Colonies — were established, primarily for political prisoners and as a mechanism for repressing political opposition to the Soviet state.
Rex 84 was created in the United States for basically the same reason. “The Rex-84 Alpha Explan (Readiness Exercise 1984, Exercise Plan; otherwise known as a continuity of government plan), indicates that FEMA in association with 34 other federal civil departments and agencies, along with other NATO nations, conducted a civil readiness exercise during April 5-13, 1984. It was conducted in coordination and simultaneously with a Joint Chiefs exercise, Night Train 84, a worldwide military command post exercise (including Continental U.S. Forces or CONUS) based on multi-emergency scenarios operating both abroad and at home. In the combined exercise, Rex-84 Bravo, FEMA and DOD led the other federal agencies and departments, including the Central Intelligence Agency, the Secret Service, the Treasury, the Federal Bureau of Investigation, and the Veterans Administration through a gaming exercise to test military assistance in civil defense,” writes Diana Reynolds. “The exercise anticipated civil disturbances, major demonstrations and strikes that would affect continuity of government and/or resource mobilization. To fight subversive activities, there was authorization for the military to implement government ordered movements of civilian populations at state and regional levels, the arrest of certain unidentified segments of the population, and the imposition of martial law.”
Rex 84 falls under master military contingency plan, Operation Garden Plot, allegedly developed in response to the civil disorders of the 1960s and now under the control of the U.S. Northern Command. Garden Plot was last activated as Noble Eagle following the September 11, 2001 attacks.
Under National Security and Homeland Security Presidential Directive (National Security Presidential Directive NSPD 51/Homeland Security Presidential Directive HSPD-20, or called simply “Executive Directive 51″ for short), signed by George W. Bush on May 4, 2007, the government has the authority to declare a national emergency and impose martial law. NSPD 51 grants extraordinary police state powers to the White House and Homeland Security, presumably including detention of a large number of people as established under Rex 84 and other military programs.
On July 30, CNN reported that the U.S. military is gearing up to get involved in the H1N1 swine flu outbreak promised to strike later this year. “The U.S. military wants to establish regional teams of military personnel to assist civilian authorities in the event of a significant outbreak of the H1N1 virus this fall, according to Defense Department officials,” a proposal that is currently on the desk of Sec. Def. Robert Gates, according to CNN. “As a first step, Gates is being asked to sign a so-called ‘execution order’ that would authorize the military to begin to conduct the detailed planning to execute the proposed plan.”
It looks like the Army National Guard is gearing up to staff camps and “execute the proposed plan” of forcibly vaccinating the public and rounding up and hauling off those who refuse to be injected with a soft kill eugenics weapon as dangerous enemies of the state who need to be interned in forced labor and re-education camps.
http://www.infowars.com/army-national-guard-advertises-for-internment-specialists/
"Wars May Come and Wars May Go But Art Is Forever."
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